your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I smell stomach acid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize