billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
