Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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