Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
