then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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