I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize