Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
