i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
