I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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