Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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