You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
