conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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