Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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