it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
