I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
