Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
