I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
