He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
