I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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