if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
