The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
