dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just pee around me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
