I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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