sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
