how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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