Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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