Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
