btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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