Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
