Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
