i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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