Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
