I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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