You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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