I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
