i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
