Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
