What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
