it was like his penis was on wheels.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize