wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
