ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
