You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sext me about skeletons
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
