mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
