every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this will be a night to untag.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
