Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
