yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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