2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
