I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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