I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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