i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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