You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
