Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
As shirtless as possible
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
