No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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