I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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