I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
