just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
