My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
