Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
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