Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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