He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
