Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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