Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
