He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a search helicopter?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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