it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
